I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
