goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
