So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
