He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Boobs speak an international language.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
