he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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