I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
