I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize