My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
