Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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