I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
