oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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