My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
