The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
