I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
