he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
