We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
