i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
