Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize