So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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