the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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