My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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