nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
