He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
