Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
