That's when you crack a 10am beer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
