I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
