I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
