Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
