So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
