yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
