Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
