I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
