She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
