I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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