Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even my farts smell like vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
