hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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