I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
