woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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