I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize