I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize
