Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize