I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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