so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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