You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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