so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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