You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
