how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Randomize
