Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
