Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
