Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
