I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
