Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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