about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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