3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
