just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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