I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
