I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
