I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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