kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
