i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
