Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
