I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
