I'm so fucking centered right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
