kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
