no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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