Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
