she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
