she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
not ubering you a puppy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
