I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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