He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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