she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize