Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
